How It REALLY Happened-Cage in the Viewfinder: Bodychase
by J Unleashed
Summary: Takaba goes looking for evidence to expose Asami's link to the criminal underworld, but ends up getting "exposed" by Asami instead. A parody based on the original story from "Cage in the Viewfinder".


~With sincere apologies to Yamane-sensei who owns the rights to the Finder series, but I just can't resisting touching...

**Cage in the View Finder: Bodychase  
**

. . . . .

It is a beautiful day and professional photographer, Takaba Akihito, is outside taking pictures at a wedding.

Suddenly, a scummy detective appears in Takaba's viewfinder. He looks a hell of a lot like Detective Yamazaki from "You're My Loveprize".

Detective Imamiya waves at Takaba, "Hey..."

Takaba screams, "AAAH! YAMAZAKI!"

Imamiya puts his hands up in an attempt to calm Takaba. "No, no... I'm different cop! I'm a GOOD cop... unlike Yamazaki. Well, actually Yamazaki wasn't really that bad either. He had a NOBLE reason for setting you up to be kidnapped, raped, and killed. And you weren't really killed because you're standing here right now, getting ready to charge that nice couple over there a crapload of money for wedding photos. Am I right?"

"Creep! You've been stalking me, haven't you?" Takaba goes back to taking photos. "I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Actually... I'm looking for a man named Asami."

Takaba adjusts the settings on his camera. "I don't think he'll have sex with you, either."

Imamiya glares Takaba. "I just want to talk to him."

"Well, sorry... I don't know anyone named 'Asami'." Satisfied with the camera setting, Takaba resumes taking pictures.

Imamiya steps in front of Takaba's camera. "Sure you do. Everyone knows you're having sex with him."

Takaba looks up and turns red from anger... or embarrassment. It's hard to tell with him. "What?! WHAT?! IT'S A LIE! Nobody would know that! Where did you get an idea like that?!"

Imamiya pulls out a notepad and glances at it. "Well, after Asami rescued you like a damsel-in-distress from that Girly-Man... with bullets flying EVERYWHERE, no less... he was last seen carrying you in his arms and spiriting you away in his limo. YOU at the time... happened to be wearing nothing but his suit coat. And a smile." Imamiya closes his note pad and grins at Takaba, "We're fairly certain hot sex happened after all that."

Takaba yells, "That is TOTALLY NOT TRUE..." He mumbles under his breath, "I never once smiled." Takaba starts to back away, "And, I NEVER, EVER WANT TO SEE ASAMI AGAIN! NEVER! Got that?!"

Imamiya grabs Takaba's arm, and shows him a black card that reads "Sion". He waves it in front of Takaba's face. "I've got a pass to get into one of his clubs... "

Takaba's eyes widen. "HOT DAMN! Let's go!"

. . . . .

Later that evening in Ryuichi Asami's office, Tattletale Kirishima Kei, Asami's secretary and main bodyguard lackey, enters the office and hands a 500+ page report to Asami to read. "Sir... the kid is inside the Shinjuku club. I bet he's not even buying drinks! I bet he's just drinking water."

Scrutinizing the report, Asami replies distractedly, "Oh. Is he now?"

"Well… I thought you might want to know," Kirishima presses on.

Asami turns a page. "I'm sure one of the sexy hostesses can handle getting the young man to buy her an expensive drink. There's no reason to be concerned."

"Okay... I just didn't think that PHOTOGRAPHER," Kirishima emphasizes rather loudly, "would have much money on him…"

Asami looks up, "We're talking about Takaba?"

Kirishima continues, "…but then again, you do have a point. Young men aren't very good at keeping their wits about them when they have a HOT woman with BIG…"

Asami interrupts him, "Call the club and tell the hostesses not go anywhere near Takaba."

Kirishima smirks, "Yes, sir." He picks up the phone and dials.

Asami gives up trying to read the report and tosses it aside. "God, I'm horny..."

. . . . .

Meanwhile, at Club Sion, Takaba is sitting at a bar with a VERY sexy hostess hanging all over him. He is… uncomfortable.

Takaba looks around for Imamiya, "My friend is sure taking a long time in the bathroom…"

"Maybe he's trying to give us a little time... alone." The Sexy Hostess snuggles closer, "Want to buy me drink?"

Eager to get on with the investigating, Takaba is getting irritated. "That's the third time you've asked me that! Not to be rude… but you're kind of annoying."

The bartender hands the Sexy Hostess a note. She reads it and gasps, "Nice meeting you!" and then quickly jumps up and disappears.

A Drunk Man immediately sits down in the seat the Sexy Hostess vacated.

The Drunk Man leers at Takaba. "Heyyyy, you're kind of cute! Want me to buy you a drink?"

Takaba looks at the bartender and begs, "Can I have the Sexy Hostess back? Please?" The bartender smirks and walks off.

"Ever been to a love hotel?" the Drunk Man slurs. "I know this great place... mirrors on the ceiling, pink champagne on ice..."

Takaba starts to scoots his chair away from the man, but then has a brilliant idea. He turns to the man and makes sexy-eyes at him.

"I don't think I can wait that long," Takaba whispers seductively to The Drunk Man. "Doing it in a storeroom really makes me... hot. Why don't we head back there... through that door with the sign 'Employees Only'. I'm sure there MUST be a storeroom back there somewhere."

Takaba drags the drunk man out of his seat and steers him through the door.

Once through the door, the Drunk Man hesitates. "Umm... won't we get in trouble if we're caught back here?"

Takaba wiggles his eyebrows. "Oh, but that's what makes it SO exciting! Here, lean up against this wall for a second..."

Takaba slams the man into the wall, effectively knocking him out. The man slumps into Takaba's arms. A couple of big men in suits walk toward them, eying Takaba suspiciously.

Takaba suddenly pretends to be concerned. "Oh hey, old man! You look like you've had just a LITTLE too much to drink. You're not supposed to be back here, you know! Here... let me help you back out to the club…"

The two big men chuckle as they pass by. Takaba sighs with relief. He opens the nearest door he can find to get rid of the unconscious drunk. When he drags the man inside, Takaba drops him immediately without thinking because he has just found a high-tech surveillance room.

Takaba grins. "Bulls-eye! I swear, this is just TOO easy!"

He takes out a camera and begins taking pictures of the different monitors. His attention, however, is drawn to one particular monitor. He watches some men place a large metallic-looking suitcase on a table. They open it, and Takaba sees that it's filled with artificial human limbs.

Horrified, Takaba gasps, "They're arms dealers!"

"I have to warn Imamiya!" Takaba runs out the door, but does not notice a dark shadow looming closely behind him. He stops suddenly and begins to break out in a light sweat. He loosens his tie, and unbuttons the top button of his shirt. "Why do I feel SO warm all of a sudden?" He places his hand on his chest, "And my heart is racing... and... and I feel all tingly..."

Asami grabs him from behind and Takaba nearly jumps out of his skin. "ASA-...!"

Asami immediately begins nibbling on the back of Takaba's neck. "What are you up to... Takaba?" Asami breathes against his skin.

"I... don't know," Takaba shivers.

Asami's breath feels hot on his neck. "You came to see me, didn't you?"

"Yes... NO!" Takaba is momentarily confused. "Why AM I here?"

Asami grins evilly, "For this..." He drags Takaba up the stairs to another room.

Once inside, Takaba remembers. "Imamiya! I need to see him RIGHT NOW!"

"Oh, you're the type that likes to watch, eh? Well, let's watch him together." The room they're in has several one-way windows. Asami points to one of the windows. Takaba sees Imamiya as he walks up to the room with the arms dealers, and begins to open the door.

Takaba panics. "DO something! You have to save him!"

Asami grins as he watches some men grab Imamiya. "Why should I? I don't like crooked cops... especially those I don't own."

Angered, Takaba runs over to a panel and smacks a button that reads: "For Emergencies Only!" A LOUD alarm suddenly goes off. Imamiya manages to break away from the men.

Takaba yells out triumphantly. "HA!" Asami glares at him.

Suddenly, water starts spraying from the ceiling.

Takaba looks up guiltily, "Oh... sprinklers. Ha ha ha.. didn't think of that." In the distance, he hears the sound of expensive electronic equipment shorting out.

Asami reaches behind Takaba and hits the alarm-kill switch. The alarm and spraying water cuts off. Asami, dripping with with water, keeps his arm there, trapping Takaba against the wall.

Takaba glares at Asami defiantly. "This is all YOUR fault, you know. You keep stalking me!"

"You came to MY club, did you not? But... " Asami reaches around and begins patting Takaba's rear end, "... I don't mind too terribly."

Takaba blushes. "Don't get too excited. You're fondling my wallet.

Asami's hand moves around to the front of Takaba's pants. "And this?"

Takaba gasps, "My... my camera?"

"I see." Asami looks directly into Takaba's eyes. "I suppose you're going to tell me that THIS," he slide his hand lightly up and down, "...is a telephoto lens?"

Takaba stutters, "Y-yes! It's uh... 85 m-m-millimeter, ah... f/1.8 um, Nikon..."

Asami's hand reaches further down. "Ah. And this?"

Takaba tenses, "Hahh... that's my ba- YEEEK!" Takaba squeals suddenly as Asami quickly slips his hand into Takaba's front pocket. Asami pulls out an egg-shaped object.

Takaba stares at the object. "WHAT... is THAT?!"

"It's a mic," Asami frowns as studies it, "although I've never seen one quite so... egg-shaped before. Imamiya must have planted it on you."

Takaba shakes his head. "Without my knowledge? That's impossible! I don't know how the hell he could have gotten THAT thing... into my pants!''

Asami looks sharply at Takaba. "You don't?" He angrily squeezes and crushes the mic with his hand. Takaba winces.

"Would you like me to show you?" Asami starts slowly undressing Takaba, "Allow me to demonstrate..."

Hot sex begins. Asami devotes around 5 PAGES (or about 25 drawn panels) JUST to the foreplay alone; therefore proving- WITHOUT A DOUBT- that Asami was created by a woman.

. . . . .

MUCH later, Takaba staggers out of the club. He turns around and shakes his fist at the building. "That's right!" he shouts. "It was my plan ALL ALONG to distract you with sex!" He chuckles and mutters softly, "but YOU didn't know I had...," Takaba reaches down and pulls mini-camera out of his sock, "... TWO cameras! Oh yeah... who's clever NOW!"

He turns around to leave but suddenly walks into wall. The wall has a HUGE hand, which reaches out and snatches the mini-camera from Takaba.

"WAH!" Takaba cries out.

Massively HUGE lackey, Suoh Kazumi, places a piece of hard candy in Takaba's hand and pats him on the head. "You just can't stay away from the Boss, can ya?" He winks at Takaba.

Suoh laughs and then goes back into the club. Takaba glares after him for a minute, then looks at the candy in his hand and shrugs. He unwraps the candy and pops it into his mouth.

Takaba makes a face, "Yuck! Butterscotch. I hate butterscotch."

Whatever happened to Detective Imamiya? Nobody really cares by this point.

Especially Takaba.

. . . . .

********************************************************************************  
Next: One Wing in the Viewfinder- The Naked Truth, Part 1


End file.
